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Battersea dogs to save England’s cricket team
- Battersea Dogs & Cats Home
- 01 April 2011
In a shock move to shake-up the England cricket team, coaches have drafted in three dogs from Battersea Dogs & Cats Home to overhaul the squad’s fielding skills.
Following England’s quarter-final elimination from the World Cup by Sri Lanka last weekend, the selection committee have placed their hope in the trio of skilled canines, who have shown exceptional ballwork during their time at Battersea. The dogs start training with the team today, and are tipped to make their debut during the summer revenge series against Sri Lanka.
The first of the three dogs has been revealed as two year old Staffordshire Bull Terrier Blue, who is one of Battersea’s longest-standing residents. A Battersea spokesperson revealed: “Blue has been quietly preparing himself for this in the 480 days he’s been with us, by carrying two tennis balls in his mouth whenever he goes out. I’ve never seen a dog with catching skills like his, and Sri Lanka will be quaking in their boots.”
Blue will be joined by a two year old Mongrel called Sushi, who is widely expected to rule the outfield in the first test match at Cardiff. The spokesperson continued: "Sushi makes even Paul Collingwood's fielding look ordinary. She could pluck a pull shot out of the air with her eyes closed.”
The final pooch in the power triumvirate is Judd the five year old American Bulldog, who coaches are secretly billing as the new 'Freddy' Flintoff. The source added: “Sri Lanka won’t know what’s hit them when Judd walks onto the pitch. He’s 100 pounds of pure power, and has his eyes on the prize. Losing simply isn’t an option for Judd. When the balls start flying he’s the one to watch.”
Due to the extremely hard nature of cricket balls, dogs are never normally encouraged to play with them. However Blue, Sushi and Judd all wear specially-adapted helmets, which include a unique doggy gum shield. The Battersea spokesperson concluded: “Once they don their helmets these dogs are ready for anything. I honestly fear for Sri Lanka, they’re going to be obliterated.”